Saturday, January 12, 2019

I Finally Met THAT Baksetball Mom

He's always got a basketball in his hand. ;)
Just so you know, for the most part, I am not a confrontational person. I tend to address things quietly if they need attention, go directly to the source, and do it when no one is around, hoping to get a better understanding of what is going on, or find a peaceful remedy. So when I found myself ready to argue publicly with a woman, at my son's basketball game, I had to find the strength to be the better person, and not be 'that parent.'


It all started on the bleachers. We'd breezed through the play-offs and were at the championship game against the only other team that would truly give us a run for our money. The game got hot!! They'd score, we'd score. They'd miss, we'd miss. They'd foul, we'd foul, and so on and so forth. The kids were getting emotional on the court, and the parents were getting into it, including me. The mom behind me was sitting with those I assume were her husband and grandparents on someone's side (the grandparents left early). The mom is the one I want to discuss. She was obnoxious (here and there) to start with, but it happens, you ignore and keep cheering for your child and his team. Then she started in on our team...

"Don't let that girl take the ball, she's 25 lbs. overweight and a whale." 

After I picked my jawbone up off of the floor (and for the record, that particular girl was AWESOME and always one of the top-3 players, along with my son). The girl was not overweight, and certainly not a whale, but she was taller, bigger, faster and better than her son (who was good in his own right). She was saying things like that LOUDLY and I was getting ticked. Never mind whose team the girl was on, the point is she's a kid, 12-years-old at most.

Then she started in on the coach. Our coach. "Oh my gosh, that coach is ghetto as he%*, just kick her out already!" And she's saying these things loudly, and her 'people' are not joining in but they're not reprimanding her or speaking to her about it either, and I'm mortified. I couldn't help myself. I turned around and looked at her. If you know anything about confrontational people, you understand immediately that someone turning around and looking at them is going to set them off, because they love to create that scene.

"What are you looking at?" she asked me, and I told her that I was just wondering why she was belittling the players who are children and cursing about the coach. She ignored the 'belittling' part and focused on my comment about the coach. "What, you think HE%* is a bad word? (enter a ridiculous and loud laugh). Turn your stupid %#$ back around." Only she left the %#$ out of the sentence....like an implied blank. I turned around, looked for another seat (packed house, not a seat in the room) and kept watching the game. She started in again, saying something I won't repeat about a child on the court (she was saying these things loud enough for the kids to hear, which I guess is what really bothered me). I got up and decided even if I had to stand at the wall I wasn't sitting there anymore, the whole while her yelling at me that yeah, I better move (insert me rolling my eyes as I type). I should have let it roll off of me, but I felt myself spin back around and get ready to voice my opinion (yell at her). That's not me.  Thankfully my body turned instantly back around (it was almost controlling itself at this point) and I quietly dismissed her behavior as her own and having nothing at all to do with me, and I walked away.

The bleachers were packed but I have formed a relationship with the other parents (my son's been playing awhile now) and a dad jumped up to stand as I walked by, and his wife scooched over and patted her now next-to-her empty seat. She said to her husband, 'some parents just get too upset over a game.' and we watched the rest of the game the way it should be watched, with us cheering on our kids, and happy to be this far along in the season.

We lost the game by 1 point. The first game we'd lost that season, but it was the championship game, so...we didn't end that season as the big winners, but our kids played their hearts out and we were proud of them. Some had tears, some were upset, and the other team was (rightfully) celebrating like crazy. I was proud of both sides, and aching for our team. I took my son out for ice cream, because at this age, that still helps ease the pain of an emotional boo-boo. That and a movie worked and he was chattery and happy again in no time at all. That was last season. I still feel affected by that woman though, not so much that I think of her often or anything, but in the way that I just am so so sooooo happy that my body turned that day and went to the other set of bleachers. What a fiasco I would have made if I'd have played into that and gotten involved. I'd have embarrassed my son, the team, etc. I might even have been the one to get kicked out of the room because I'd have been the one standing and yelling.

Why am I writing about it all? I don't know, I guess I'm just glad it all panned out the way it did. I'm grateful for the parents who gave me that seat (the lady was instantly forgotten once I sat there and we all got right back into watching the game), glad I didn't lose control (eek) and a bit miffed too that there's probably always going to be THAT basketball mom. Thank goodness "she" won't be me.

38 comments:

  1. There will always be THAT parent no matter what sport your child is in. My grandsons play tennis tournaments and we've already ran into a few parents that are THOSE parents, and it's for the 10 and Under age group!

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  2. Oh, we've all heard THAT parent. It just gets all over me, as my Grandma would say. I mean, the adults seem to behave much worse than the kids.

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  3. That horrible parents hates herself, so she spews this nonsense. She's a bully and bullies are never happy with anything.

    Have a fabulous day and weekend. ♥

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  4. It is incredible how those who ruin the sport are their parents, those who instead of letting their children misunderstand and enjoy the joys of sport ruin everything with their rudeness!

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  5. Every parent in the stands knew what she was, and some knew who she was. I feel sorry for her child. Someday what comes around goes around.

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  6. Oh, yes, there will ALWAYS be that parent. You did great by moving and ignoring her!

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  7. It's awful sad. I've heard that at our soccer games. It's terrible. And I do hope they get better about ejecting these people or put them farther away from the game.
    The kids should never ever have to hear things like this from nasty adults.
    You were amazing Rosey!
    Don't give them the time of day.
    And also, that is why we have bullies in kids. They live what they learn.

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  8. What a horrible woman! I am proud for how strong you acted. I don't know if I would have been able to do the same!

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  9. Jeeez. some people almost don't deserve to be parents. that's atrocious behavior

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  10. Wow, I didn't there are such parents exit and it is kind of daunting and meeting one in real life. I guess ignoring is the best way to deal with such parents.

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  11. Gosh! She is such a 'THAT' parent but I wouldn't blame her. Perhaps she's used to be all loud and those around her entertain that. So she finds it normal. Unfortunately...

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  12. That is just awful behavior, part of me would want to turn around and smack her dirty mouth, but yeah, there are always going to be those people. Can't let them get to us or we let them win. Did the right thing by getting away, don't want to end up on Youtube.

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  13. THAT parent is never the parent you want to be. My step-niece plays high school basketball and she was telling me that she is grateful that her parents are not like that because it is generally embarrassing. Kids pick up on this type of thing and that is never the example that you want to set.

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  14. Wow! That mom was a bit much. I got teary eyed when I read that she called that little girl a "whale." My daughters are young, but I have heard some competitive banter at their races. When my daughter was 4 years old and running a race, a guy was saying "at least my daughter didn't come in last place" in a really rude tone. My daughter came in last place, and I was proud of her. She was running a race, and there was a time that I wondered if and when she would ever walk. She didn't walk until she was 2 1/2 years old, and has been faced with multiple challenges since. I am a runner and a fitness instructor, and I have seen many fitness abilities. I am happy to just see people moving!

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  15. Boy oh boy, this is getting me going just reading it! I'm proud of you to take the initiative, it is frustrating that other people didn't speak up and back you. These games can bring out the worst in people, that doesn't make it acceptable. I don't know if there is anything you can do, perhaps talk to the school and/or the coach, someone should let her know that behavior is not acceptable. It could also get worse, you know, next they tackle the coach to beat them up! Not good, and a terrible example to the kids.

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  16. sometimes all we can do is say a prayer for the ones we know need it the most!

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  17. I don't know how you managed this situation so well.. a true example pf what we need to do with bullies.. poor woman, she's a horrible person

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  18. Wow... I’m so grateful my kids aren’t into sports when reading things like this. May she realise and change her approach sooner than later

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  19. No matter what in sports with kids there will always be that parent that says things like this. They seem to have no filter and it does really hurt to hear an adult speak like this.

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  20. I feel so sorry for her child. Having to grow up with such a negative mother is going to be very damaging if it is not checked early.

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  21. This is why I'm so glad my kids don't play sport! I'm not sure I would've handled this with my usual dignity and grace. You did so well not to knock her out!

    Louise x

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  22. Oh my god! That mother just don't have manners. I hope her kids will not inherit that behaviour. If she was my mom, I would be really embarrassed.

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  23. You are a much better person than I am Rosey. Once one starts talking ugly about kids, all bets are off. And if she would have told me to turn my A$$ around, I would have probably been leaving in handcuffs because I would have popped her in the mouth. I used to never be confrontational, but find my patience is wearing very thin with stupid people these days and I'm reverting back to my ghetto days of telling it like it is lol. Glad you were able to take the high road though ♥

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  24. Some people can really be trouble you know, but typical me will just neglect people like that but it's also good sometimes to call such people to order.

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  25. You did the right thing. I don't think I would have been able to walk away. But I've always had a hot temper and truly hate bullies, especially those that target kids. I'm hoping we have a few good years of kiddo sports before coming face to face with "that parent".

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  26. It's a great thing that you didn't lose your self control over her. It's not gonna be worth it.

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  27. Oh my! I have to write about things that bother me. They are then recorded (like all the teacher stuff). I don't want to forget things, and when they happened. Plus by writing it down it's like a release. I just feel better after typing it out. Hey it's cheaper than therapy. Ha!

    We have a boy on Isaak's team that gets mean. He pushes other players, or bumps into them harshly. He gets red in the face. The odd thing...his twin brother is great! His Dad is the only one that shows up ever. I don't even know if they have a mom. If he is angry at the world...possibly it's because he doesn't have a mom in his life. I don't really know. I wish he wasn't like that. It looks bad on the team. Really his Dad and the coach should call him out when he's like that. By not saying anything, or benching him it says his behavior is ok, when it's not. Just my opinion.

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  28. That's sad that parents behave that way. I know we are supportive of our kids, but that's just really horrible.

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  29. It's unfortunate that a mum felt that was the best way to portray herself in front of her child and other children. And honestly shame on the other parents from her team that didn't say anything. If this is a normal occurrence, shame on the team for not putting a stop to it. If she isn't able to control herself, she shouldn't be allowed.

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  30. I am so sad that she behaved so badly and was setting a horrible example for her kids too

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  31. That is just terrible but I am sure it happens a lot. She is a mean horrible person that needs to be reminded it is a GAME. And that is a very bad example to set for kids. She is a bully but you did the right thing by being the better person. With my temper I doubt I would have been able to contain myself.

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  32. I admire your mature response. As you know, we can't control how anyone acts in any situation, only our response. So glad your rose above it and were supported by other parents too.

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  33. Good for you for being the better person! Her immaturity was noticed by others as well, I'm sure. It's sad that adults have to act that way.

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  34. I am THAT mom.. I can't help it.
    I have a big mouth and can get confrontational at times...
    I need to do better about it.

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  35. My son was into basketball in jr and sr high and some of the parents are unbelievable. A sport that is supposed to be fun for the kids yet the parents ruin it and act more immature than the kids.

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  36. Unfortunately, this is a problem in every town. I've run across many during my son's school days and it was very hard for me to just walk away. However, there were a few times, I did report them to the school and the school board.

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  37. Unfortunately there will always be "that" parent in the crowd and honestly the person I feel the worst for is their child. Not only are they embarrassed by how their parent is acting, but goodness only knows what they have to hear when they get home. I just think if they're willing to say that kind of stuff in public about other people's children, what are they saying to their child in at home. That's the part that makes me the most upset. I have five children and 8 nieces and nephews so I go to a ton of events not just sports, but robotics, show choir, band, etc. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to matter what type of activity we are at, there is always one of "those" parents. I know it is so hard to bite your tongue and be the bigger person when all you want to do is explode. I'm so glad you were able to stay calm, because confrontational people do feed off of everything you say. They like to make a scene and the attention it brings. It just escalates so rapidly once another person engages. I'm so glad that things worked out well for you that is a better way to deal with people like that. I personally don't think they should be allowed at school events if they can't behave.

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