Thursday, December 20, 2012

My Grandma's Sewing Machine

When I was a little girl, my grandmother taught me to sew, first by hand, and later with paper patterns and her foot pedal sewing machine.  Not the kind with a huge pedal, but one that had a little box with a button you pushed with your foot to make it go.  A sturdy, pretty, shiny black Singer with gold pretties  (squiggly lines) that decorated the spin handle on the side.

In addition to that, my grandmother was my world.  We lived just behind her for most of my childhood, and  when I was younger I was there more than I was home (and when I was older I went there directly after school instead of home).  All of our holidays were held there too, and we had dinner with her and my grandfather every Sunday after church.

She was the type of grandmother who so rarely got cross that you remember distinctly the times you heard her do so (I remember two, once with my grandfather and once w/someone outside of the family). She was also the kind of grandma who loved you, I mean truly, completely, unconditionally loved you.  I always knew I was wanted, loved, and as I got older and had children of my own, I came to realize, cherished as her grandchild.  She loved me the way I love my own, but she was even better at it (I've been mad at mine a time or two ;) ).



When she died, and I know some of you won't 'get this,' I went to the funeral (I flew from another state to go).  I was there, and I was going to go, and just thinking about it now makes me full of that same feeling and I know I would do the same thing again, I turned around and left.  I couldn't bear to see her in that coffin.  She was the one and only person who had ever loved me that wonderfully, that completely, and I loved her back the same way.

She didn't have much, she never did, but she always worked, and she always made sure there was 'enough.' When she died, I knew she'd told my mom she wanted me to have her sewing machine.  A few years later, my mom asked me if I wanted it.  I sent her money to mail it.  Of course I wanted it.  And to my mom's credit, she mailed it very quickly.



But it's been sitting in that box, every day since it arrived, unopened.  I don't even know if it got damaged in transit (I am hoping not).  Today I pulled that box out, and I was going to open it...put the beautiful sewing machine on display for everyone to see like it should be. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't open the box, and I've already put it back in the room we use for storage.

Isn't that silly?  I still miss her so.  And it's really been a long time now.  How wonderful to have had someone like that in my life.

I hope each of you has your own 'gram,' or that you are that someone to someone else.  That kind of love, thankfully, never leaves you.

30 comments:

  1. Hi there
    Just stopping over from the blog hop. I'm your newest follower on Linky! If you have a moment to stop by my blog and follow back that would be fabulous!
    Katie from the simple lane.

    ReplyDelete
  2. No, it's not silly - when someone means so much to you, it's hard to cope with them being gone, even with time! That's really special though that she left you her machine, something to treasure.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is so touching mail4rosey! You had a very special grandma. All my grandparents died before I was born. It is great that you treasure all the good times you spent with her. Wonderful post. Take care and have a great weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I get it, it's not silly but regardless of whether it was damaged (and I know that would be heart breaking) your grandmother will always live in your heart not the sewing machine. Don't push it though you're not ready leave it. I cried over a biscuit tin belonging to my grandpa

    Beautiful post, your grandmother would have loved this Im sure.

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a beautiful post Rosey ~ I do hope that one day you can open that box but I completely understand the feeling in keeping it packed up.

    Lanaya
    www.raising-reagan.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. I completely get it. Someday, maybe you will be able to open the box, but if not - that's ok, too. You grandmother sounds like an amazing woman and you clearly had a lot of love and respect for her. Those memories are invaluable and I do understand why you weren't able to go to the funeral!

    ReplyDelete
  7. That's not silly at all! I hope my daughter feels the same way you did about your gran. That is such a special relationship to have. You wrote this beautifully!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Understand ~ there are some people that when you lose them it is like losing a part of yourself, a major part ~ Her spirit lives on through you ~ Please know that she is 'watching over you' and loves you deeply ~ Happy Holidays ^_^

    (A Creative Harbor ~ aka ArtMuseDog and Carol ^_^)

    Thanks for coming by ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  9. Of course it's not silly! But that sewing machine isn't going anywhere. It isn't lost, no one else took it from your gran's house. Don't pressure yourself. You'll open it when you're ready... probably when you least expect it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'd not have wanted to see my Grandma in a coffin either. But I never knew either one of mine.

    You will take out the beloved Singer, when you are ready. And you will know, when that is.

    Gentle hugs...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I do get it. It's a dear association with someone you loved very strongly. Your grandmother wanted you to have it, and I imagine that it would delight her to no end to know that, when you're ready, you'll sew as a loving tribute to her memory.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sometimes it's enough just to know that something so valuable and precious to a loved one is close by. Happy Holidays.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Such a beautiful heartfelt post. TY for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. That's very sweet, I'm sure you'll find yourself sewing something grand. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Love this story. I too had a gram like that, and I could not bear to attend her funeral, or to see her in a coffin. I just attended a funeral yesterday of my best friend's mother, and I did not look at her in the coffin. It's not how I want to see anyone ever. I'd rather have the images of her alive in my head, and never that one.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I love how heartfelt this post is. I never had a mother, she died a few days after I was born. But, I had a grandmother that took care of me up until I went to college. She died 2 years ago and I miss her everyday. I can truly relate to your story.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi Rosey,
    It isn't silly at all. I had a close relationship with my grandmother. She passed away 5 days before my birthday. I was devastated. I could not see her in the coffin either, but I wanted to say goodbye. Shortly before they closed the casket, I walked up to her and saw her and walked away. I cried so much after that that I literally lost my breath. I miss her everyday. I don't even remember her in the coffin and I'm so grateful to God for that.
    You'll open the box when you are ready. It isn't going anywhere. Good luck.

    Karina

    ReplyDelete
  18. You will when you are ready. In the meantime cherish the wonderful memories.
    Leigh

    ReplyDelete
  19. When the time is right, you'll open that box. I can empathize - for me it would bittersweet... awesome memories of time spent with such an amazing woman, but sad because she's gone. ((HUGZ!!))

    Have a Very Merry Christmas - and thanks so much for linking up with me today! :)


    Reflecting on Christmas Traditions

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thanks for stopping by. Everyone has their own way with dealing with things. Take a deep breath and deal with it when you're ready. Grams are always fun even in gramma heaven. I love the memories she gave me, and I tell the kids funny stories about how she use to say certain words or the silly things she did. She was so much fun, so loving and taught me so many great wonderful things. I miss my grams so much & she was the best cook in the whole world. Straight from Palermo. Remember the good things and fun things it'll help I promise. hugs

    ReplyDelete
  21. We all grieve differently, and I agree with the others. You'll open in it when you are ready. Your grandma sounded like such a special lady. I am glad you have those memories to remember her by.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You will know when you are ready to open it:) Not to worry just take your time. You know its there and secure. I am so sorry you lost this wonderful person and you were so lucky to have had her. Cherish your memories:) Sending hugs:)

    Now following via Facebook also.

    ReplyDelete
  23. My grandmother also had a singer like that one. Beautiful, beautiful memories.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thank you for sharing the memories and sentiment of your grandmother. I hope one day that you will be able to once again "admire" and perhaps sew "beautiful" garments with the treasure you inherited.

    ReplyDelete
  25. We do all grieve differently. My grandma passed away this last fall. She had Alzheimer's disease. When she was sick and about to pass away I couldn't see her. I didn't want to see her like that. I saw her at the funeral, but I couldn't see her when she didn't know my name, couldn't remember how to eat or drink, withering away to nothing. It was just so sad to me. Right after she passed away I was thinking, "Everyone is celebrating that she passed." No one liked seeing her in misery! I hated that she ended her life in a bad state of mind. I wrote a long poem about all the good things I remember about her. That helped me grieve.

    You just thinking about your grandma and what she taught you, may be just what you need. Having a piece of something you shared together, may be all you need as well.

    ReplyDelete
  26. My grandma has a sewing machine. I only wish we lived close enough so she could teach me. Thanks for sharing. I am stopping by from the link up and would love for you to stop by my blog.
    Merry Christmas,
    Angela

    ReplyDelete
  27. It is probably better you didn't see your Grandmother in death. I seen my Dad the last few days of his life, and I can't get the image out of my head.

    ReplyDelete
  28. That's great to have such wonderful memories of your grandmother. Her sewing machine is a beautiful gift :)

    ReplyDelete