Whose Lasagna is it Anyway?

He likes his lasagna layered differently than I do. He likes to use cottage cheese with little dollops of it spread throughout each layer of noodles. I like to have Ricotta as one thin layer at the bottom. You would think that after six years of being divorced, the lasagna would have been made the way I like it. Old habits die hard, I guess, and I realized one day, with a hearty laugh, that I was still doing it his way. The bigger zinger, and definite catalyst for change, was the realization that I had never even considered buying Ricotta at the grocery store. Not just that time, but every time (since the day we were married, many years ago).

That got me thinking: what else was I doing his way? A short journey around the house showed I was doing a lot of things the way I was used to doing them because that’s the way he liked them. I still kept the air conditioner at 77-degrees, kept the radio off in the house, and I even still purchased Powerade over Gatorade, when in fact, I like Gatorade better. In fact, the only thing I’d really changed was that we had gotten a cat a few years back, and he was 100% against any pets. So…for six years we’ve been split, and for six years I’ve still been doing most things the same way.  

It’s not that I was against doing things his way when were married; I wasn’t. It’s just that somewhere along the way, I forgot that I like things my way too. So, okay… time for a mental reset. I told myself right then and there, that this was my new life, and part of the joy of living this new life is that I get to do things my way. Yes, being married can be a wonderful thing, and compromise is a given…but that’s not something I have to worry about anymore. This is my place, not his and my place. I can explore the things that give me peace and bring me joy, and that is exactly what I am now very intentionally doing.

In fact, at this very moment, I am lounging on the couch mid-day, with the teen’s music blasting (not my favorite music but he’s enjoying himself), our sweet cat is snuggled at my hip (on the couch, gasp) and the air conditioner is set to a very comfortable 75-degrees. When I’m finished, I’ll need to start a grocery list for next week. I’m thinking I’ll make a lasagna again…just so I can buy and use the Ricotta.

Comments


  1. I must say that lasagna, the real Italian one and I speak Italian, is an almost unattainable mirage, not even I am able to make it ad hoc! xD

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    1. I've had lasagna in Italy. So phenomenally good!

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  2. It's so true we bend and mold ourselves to suit other people in our family. They might all be little things but they all add up!

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    1. I grin to myself when I hear my kids saying something they picked up from me, or doing something I did in their youth with their little ones. :)

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  3. Doing things your way is a good thing. Habits are a hard thing to break. I so remember.

    Have a fabulous day, week and month, my friend. ♥

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    1. I didn't even know I was doing them. Makes me think. ;)

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  4. Smiling. Old habits die hard. Enjoy your lasagne made the way you like it and your Gatorade. And hooray for snuggling with the cat.

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  5. True lasagna has to be made with ricotta! That's not up for debate!

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  6. I sometimes feel like Jason would be blissfully happy doing things his way (not that he'd be happy with a divorce mind you LOL). For him though, if he didn't have to worry about what I like, he'd always buy grape jelly (I only like strawberry). I'm glad you're finally doing what YOU like. Old habits do die hard. For the record, we like our lasagna with ricotta, too!

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    1. I used to be a grape jelly girl years ago, these days it's raspberry or strawberry all the way.

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  7. In marriage and even in any relationship is a give and take so it's normal to have your own time and do what you want. You don't have to do what they want. Giving sometime for yourself is fine. Enjoy your moment.

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  8. Ive been in a relationship for a long time too. And one common thing when we separate is we tend to do things the other person`s way. Realizing to do your own way with this lasagna is awesome!

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  9. Lasagna is looking so so delicious, I love it. Thanks for sharing!

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  10. Hi Rosey - fun read ... I was never married for that long - and probably always did things my way, anyway! Love lasagne however it's made ... you're obviously enjoying doing things your way - with your teen and his music ringing out! Cats - always a delight and comforting. Fun - cheers Hilary

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  11. It sounds like it's time to do things your way. Do what works for you. I've not made lasagne in ages. I haven't had it either way that you mentioned.

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  12. I guess it does not matter whose it is, so long as it tastes good and delicious

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  13. It's really interesting how we lose ourselves when we fall in love, but like you said, compromise is a given. There's a fine line though between compromise and sacrifice. I'm glad to see you're find your way back to yourself.

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  14. Here in Italy, lasagne is a tradition! And not many other varieties exist

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  15. Cottage Cheese???? Yuck. I also like to have Ricotta as one thin layer at the bottom.

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  16. Sometimes we do things to make others happy. That lasagna does look so delicious!

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  17. Enjoyed the thought process behind this post. Now I'm also craving lasagna so I'm going to have to make one!

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  18. That's the thing about being with someone.. you adapt to them and they adapt to you where you both compromise and do things for each other.

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  19. My husband and I also have very different ways of making lasagne but both ways are super yummy!

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  20. I love this piece. It's so insightful and well-written. Go for the ricotta!!!!

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  21. It must be really nice to go back to the way you prefer to do things.

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  22. Sounds like you've had a profound moment to come home to yourself! I'm happy for you. :)

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  23. Ya girl...up YOUR game. That punk needs to see the highway. There are some foods I make less because all the boys do not like them. When I make the boys oatmeal, Travis prefers cereal. Sometimes I tell everyone they have to suck it up. Mica is made to eat eggs often. Guess what he doesn't like them. I remind them all of that.

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