Saturday, October 26, 2013

Letting Go: It's His House Too!

Scenario #1
Countertops... and flat surfaces (like the bathroom sink, the top of the refrigerator, etc.): I like them clear.  Hubby thinks if there's a space open it should be filled, hence the bathroom sink in our master bath is covered with stuff (mouthwash, deodorant, aftershave, shaving cream, etc.). I have to move all of that stuff several times a week to clean it, and therein lies the difference, I think, hubby doesn't have to clean it, so it doesn't bother him.

Plus, I like things to look clean. When the counter tops and other surfaces are covered with stuff it looks cluttered. I don't like it.

Scenario #2
My desk...I like it in a space, my space, and I want it clean.  Hubby's spread out all over the dining room table doing homework everyday and a). it's cluttered and looks terrible  b). It renders the table useless for meals and me and the kids have to eat in the kitchen c). everyone has to 'shush' while he's in that room working, or go to a different part of the house.

I bought him a desk for his birthday last month. That way he could be in a nice corner, neat and organized in the room and we could still use the room and the table too.  He took the desk back to the store and got something he really wanted. He's still at the table.

Letting Go...

Lanaya over at Raising Reagan has a 'Letting Go' series going on, and it's a good reminder that getting worked up over small things is just plain silly.  The two things above fall into that category for me.

How I Resolved These Things

Scenario #1
Of course it seems obvious, but when you have such big differences, and one is you like things clean and the other person thinks you should utilize all space (in my eye that's cluttered), these things can be abrasive. It's not a new issue, it's been going on for years. I hate it cluttered, he thinks my idea of clean means, "Where the heck is my stuff now???" (because it's in its place and not right at his fingertips).  He's not going to change (and should he even have to?), I've got to just let it go.

It is his house too.  That means I don't get my way all of the time.
What gives me the right anyway to think everything should be my way? He certainly doesn't get that luxury. None of us do.

Scenario #2
Give up the ghost. He's not moving, he likes to work there, and it's where he's most productive. I'm not doing my part as a supportive wife trying to move him to a desk where he doesn't think he'd be as happy. Worst case scenario, which is probably how it will play out, I lose the use of the room and table for dinners for a couple of years. The trade off is he's happy (very important), feels like he's improving something in his life, and he's upstairs instead of in the mancave where he used to be (which I didn't complain about, but didn't like when it was excessive either).  AND we do have the perfectly fine table in the kitchen where we've been eating. It's smaller ...a nice little round table, so dinner with the kids is cozier, more fun, and far more personal than the big open table in the dining room.  It's a fair trade off, in fact, hubby could be doing me a big favor! Now that I'm typing it out I realize how much I like that new kind of time at dinner.

I'm letting go, and in the long run, that's sometimes better for everyone (in these two incidences, it's definitely better for me). :)

If you're 'letting go' of something too, and want to link up at Lanaya's, you can find her post here:

We've got lots going on today, but I'll swing by and visit back later tonight or tomorrow. Have a great weekend everyone!


Anne Byerley said...

Hi Rosey,
I hope that you are having a wonderful day.
I had to delete my blog, as it stopped working altogether, so wondered if you could do me a favour and go to my blog put up yesterday, and become a follower again.
Thank you very much,
I am a follower of yours in many ways.
My new blog is
Thank you.
I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
Love and best wishes.

Lizbeth McGow said...

I don't like clutter either but i just can't keep organized for the life of me. Organization to me is like moving a boulder with your hands tight in the back. I clear every single counter surface in the kitchen so the are nice and clean, but where the stuff goes, to a pile of things that I got to sort and it never gets done, so next week more things get added to the pile and at the end I end up with a bag of stuff, do you know how many bags i have so far?, better not tell lol,,Have a beautiful weekend my friend. It'c a cold one today! stay warm! Lizy

Janine Huldie said...

Rosey, your husband sounds like mine and I have had to learn also to learn to just let go of the mess sometimes. So not worth arguing or thinking at this point I will change him at this point, but the same goes for him having to accept certain things about me. It is all about compromising and giving a bit in each way, I suppose. Seriously couldn't agree more and think you said this perfectly, today!! :)

Pat Hatt said...

Good for both to just let go and not get worked up about such things. Rather have things clean though, my ocd demands it lol maybe that's why I just have cats haha or there is an idea, get a cat. Then he'll have to put everything away or the cat will jump up and knock it all down

mail4rosey said...

Of course, Anne, I'm on my way over.

mail4rosey said...

It is cold today!! And not a good day for soccer. Last game, thank goodness. You have a great weekend too!

mail4rosey said...

The little things are harder to get used to than the big things sometimes, because they're constant. But once you learn to scale them, things sure feel better. :) Have a great weekend, Janine.

mail4rosey said...

I want a cat for the cute factor. :)

Sandee said...

Hubby and I don't have these issues. I'm very happy about that. We let the clutter happen and when it's time to let the clutter go we both work on that. I works for us. There are many things I don't touch that are his. Some wives would throw things away. Not me. It's his house too.

Have a terrific day. :)

Angie Brewer said...

My motto is choose your battles wisely. Good for you for letting go, although I do completely understand about the counter tops.
Hope you have a super day Rosey!

ali haider said...

Dear Rosey, hopping you're spending a fine day. you do know that I'm following you well in so many ways. you'll get my sincere support as&when you deem it desirable.Wishing you a best of luck&be happy &hearty all the time to come.

Anonymous said...

My solution has been to go minimalist. It's a work in progress, while I finish painting our entire house. My husband, by nature, isn't well organized, and dumps things on every available surface. It gives me more work to clean around the spaces, which isn't fair to me. Our solution is to go minimalist, which is cutting down on the amount of "stuff" he has to dump, and cutting down on the amount of work I have.

Erica D said...

LOL Well I know what you mean, sometime I feel like I have to clean up after my husband and that maybe he just doesn't notice that he makes a mess. Sometimes I tell him and sometimes I don't, it never becomes a fight but it can be annoying.


Masshole Mommy said...

I like to pick my battles with Chris, too. He doesn't mind the mess as much as I do, so he will leave things around sometimes, but never complains when I rearrange things.

bxcrochet said...

I could definitely relate to most of the post.

knickgirl_3 at yahoo dot com

Suzanne Lucas said...

Yep, yep and yep. I'm the clean freak and my BF's the "I don't know where it is if I can't see it" guy. It frustrates me no end and I've blown a gasket more than once since every item I pick up raises my blood pressure a notch. Not sure how you did it, but bravo!

Susan Kane said...

We could inter-change husbands (kinda). He is exactly that. After 40 years of marriage, and there have been no changes.

Theresa said...

Ugh, the clutter on the counter drives me nuts! I've started shoving all his crap in his drawer where he keeps his keys. Then he finds the appropriate spot all on his own lol.

It's all about compromise, but thankfully, my husband sees the house as my domain, so he's the one compromising most of the time hahaha!

Julia Toussaint said...

stopping by from "lovin the weekend" blog hop.

I would love for us to follow each other on GFC! Please let me know if you would like to!

(Terry) My Journey With Candida said...

My Hubs like to have all his things he might need with in reach of him. Drives me bonkers. I want everything neat and clean.

Brian Miller said...

smiles...there are def somethings well worth letting go of and not getting our way on....good job seeing the bigger picture on these....

Kenya G. Johnson @ said...

I could have easily written parts of this post. Since we work from home it's easy for spots to get out of control. I've given up on the dinner room table. That's where my husbands mail goes - his keys, his wallet, his headphones, his hat.... I resolved that every surface and and that the bedroom that is an office is never going to be able to accommodate anything but the air mattress so Christopher will get booted from his room when we have company. I just try to keep the kitchen table clean so we can eat there and my little office space clear of their stuff.

Mya Murphy said...

I'm sorry, but I would go absolutely NUTSO if my husband leaves things everywhere. I will not abide by this. If a man is 30 something years old and lives like a pig, there's something wrong. No no noooooooo!!! I am married, but will NOT tolerate this. And, as YOU said, I live here, too. There's NO excuse for this, IMO.

Christy Maurer said...

Clutter bothers me too, but you have to pick your battles :) One day, the kids will be gone and their clutter will be gone. Then the hubby can spread his stuff into their rooms instead of on the counter lol. I just hide out in my room when it bugs me :)

Melissa @ My Recent Favorite Books said...

I dont like clutter either...I enjoyed reading your very thoughtful post!

Lauren Thompson said...

I can SO relate! I've resigned to let my hubby's chest of drawers be a cluttery mess, as well as his side of the bed. It's hard, though!!

Visiting from Super Sunday Sync--thanks for hosting!

Carole said...

Very good advice, Rosey

PS I've got my very first giveaway running!

Vashti Q-Vega said...

Wow! Good for you Rosey. You're a great mom and wife. I hope hubby appreciates it. I'm glad you're letting go and happier for it. :)

Launna said...

Rosey, that's great that you can let things go... most people would just be angry and freak out... I work on letting it go daily, I have a pre-teen who has her stuff spread out everywhere, I am not always the nicest but I am learning. I have missed you in my hiatus... I have been reading but not commenting... I am back now :)

Justin Knight said...

I think my wife would like this post a bit too much. Truth be told though, she has her messy areas too! It's all about compromise! :)

Judy Haughton-James said...

I like how you have dealt with the situation Rosey! Give and take is the way to go.

alissa apel said...

My husband doesn't throw away lids to things; when he's recycled the container. Therefore I never know what goes to something, and what's actually trash.

I saw something funny on FB. It to was a letting go of things, only in regards to kids. One was when you children leave toothpaste all over the bathroom sink. Just think, toothpaste cleans. They've just done 1/2 the cleaning job for you.

Kristi Maloney said...

I have the same battles in this house. In fact, I get teased about i - he'll say..."oh, that's clutter - toss it." Not in a mean way....But yeah, my kids sometimes have to go through the recycle bin for their homework. Clutter is my enemy and I will conquer it. As far as letting things's hard....I get angry when I need something done and it doesn't happen right away....I really could use a dose of patience some days. :)

Mel@Mellywood's Mansion said...

You're amazing, letting go is so hard!

Lanaya | Raising Reagan said...

This is a great one ... because as you know I too hate clutter. Brian is clean but not clean like I am and while he does a pretty good job I still have to go back and tidy up.
Hmmm ... something I need to work on maybe??
Love it and thank you for the shout out pretty lady! I've missed your blog!

(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

Terra H. said...

I'm a neat freak and my husband is the opposite. It used to drive me nuts but, like you, I learned to let go. About a year ago I decided to just overlook the clutter and messes he makes. I'm not his maid and don't think I should have to pick up after my hubby all the time, but I also know he's not my personal chef and doesn't have to cook for me all the time (which he does!) So, I guess you could say I'm the Suzy Homemaker and he's the Betty Crocker of the house.

Colette S said...

#1. That is me.

I prefer all space clear and neat.
Hubs no.
Same problem with the bathroom. *smh*
I do not like the clutter.
If I lived alone....just saying :)

lol You are making me laugh so much!

#2. I like my table area clean where my pc is.
Dh, not so much, Everything everywhere!
I wanted so bad to buy him a desk in the room where he stays a lot, but no $$
One day I might.
Same with the hushings. I tell him, when it's day time, the kids get to enjoy being in their home too. At night I can understand the hushings.

#3 Tv...shall I go on?

But I'm trying to let go.

This week was practice #1
All week no cleaning or worrying, (FORCING myself ) not to worry or have a conniption haha.

But yes I'm learning.