Saturday, January 12, 2013

They're Not REALLY Family

If someone in your family gets married, to my way of thinking, that person become family...not 'family,' or so-and-so's wife or husband, but actual family.

What a lot you could be missing out on when you don't embrace someone as family who really is.  And if you spread the feeling to others that the person in question isn't really family, it will proliferate, and to keep the peace they might embrace or temporarily adapt in big situations (oh we can't invite such and such to the party because A doesn't like him/her (even if everyone else does).

What results is:

A).  The breach you create is huge (I know there are a rare, select few who relish in this breach because they are so selfish it feeds a basic need).

B).  The person being ousted by the 'real family member' will permanently keep an arm's distance from those whom he/she would have really built up trusting, loving relationships with (so you have robbed your loved ones).

C).  It robs people of what the sense of true family is about (why would ANYONE want to do that?).  I have seen my husband live with heartache from one particular incident that he never should not have had to.  He's never told a soul how much it hurt him, but me.  I asked him why. He said, 'It doesn't matter, wouldn't change anything anyway.'  And he's right, but it doesn't make me hurt for him any less.

I know people adapt, make their other relationships stronger, and in order to stay sane keep a very healthy distance from those who enjoy turmoil, but every once in awhile, that breach will sting no matter how strong you are.  Today is that day for me.

A short time from now I will be fine, my head will be clear, and I will remember how great it is to not be a part of things that bring hurt to us.  But for just this second (in spite of it being something that would make one person very happy), I'm going to let it sting because I have to miss an event I would have liked to have been a part another life.


  1. I'm so sorry. And this post is very true. Rifts in families are particularly hurtful. People are not commodities to be divied up like prizes to prove that someone "won."


  2. Oh my....some people are so shallow. We all have them around us I'm afraid.
    I can hear my pastor's voice reminding me to pray for them that despitefully use you. It does help!

    Sending prayers your way,

  3. I hate that! It's happened in our family, I don't get it at all. Hugs xo

  4. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but I do understand how you feel. As my own children are growing and getting married, I am resolved to make the new spouses a part of the family so they never feel this way.


  5. Spot on mail4rosey! I am sorry that you are experiencing this. Sadly it happens in so many families. Take care and my best wishes to you.

  6. We have some sensitivity in our giant family from some of the in-laws from smaller families. When you're part of such a big group, you learn to be less sensitive and needy, and it just becomes second nature to never make a fuss, but if you're from a smaller group and used to more attention, it is harder. I think that "less fuss" attitude can come off as less welcoming sometimes, but it's not done on purpose. Feeling the sting will only let you appreciate the non sting days more...that's my attempt to cheer you up!;)

  7. My Hubs would be so mad if I wasn't included. I hope these people know what they are missing out on. So sorry this is happening to you.... Big Hug!!!

  8. Thanks for stopping by my friend. I truly appreciate it. My problem is daughter-in-laws. I have one daughter-in-law from hell, and one I really grew to love, and they got divorced and I'm chopped liver so to speak. How can one turn love on & off? As you said when they marry into the family you grow to love them. Oh well, such is life.

  9. I've seen it. It's wrong and painful.


    Let's pray together for your heart and theirs. Tis the hardest thing, but you'll have a peace again soon.

    I'm sorry Rosey.

  10. I'm sorry for the pain. You are absolutely right. In my family when you are married in you are in. In fact even when divorce has happened we all still consider you family. We just can't turn love off and on in our house. My uncle and aunt were married for 26 years. When they divorced there was no way I could see her as anything but my aunt. Fortunately somehow everyone remained friends and we all still have family stuff together. In fact my uncle and his new wife (my newest aunt) are best friends with my aunt and her new husband. Hearts should grow bigger with the family.
    I am dropping by from the Our Everyday Harvest's blog hop. I am glad I did. I'll be praying for you. Following you too. Hope you can stop by and say hello.

  11. Oh no, I'm so sorry! It can hurt really bad when something happens in your family. I hope things can be repaired.

  12. Sadly, this is way more common than it should be. And it's sad really because people are really missing out when they cause rifts like that.

  13. My family is really pretty close. My husband's family separates themselves. It makes it so hard. I tell my husband, "Why don't you call your parents or sister?" He does, then they never make efforts to call us. We visit them, they hardly visit us. I never know what to think. It's hard to understand because my family is so close. Even when I lived far away to go to school, we still chatted back and forth, we wrote and we sent packages.


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