Thursday, October 11, 2012

No Matter What Happens...Trust God

I cannot help but wonder if getting older makes you more emotional?  I am not a cryer.  Not even in the direst of situations (though a good book or movie has always been able to get to me).  But in real life situations I find myself to be very strong.

Lately though, I've noticed some chips in the armor.  A blog post made me blubbery, a commerical for a sick child teared me up.  And  thinking of my grandmother this morning (who was the most wonderful person in the world to me when I was growing up) made me tear up instantly (today would have been her birthday).

The worst one, however, was taking my second oldest son to the airport this week.  I knew he was leaving, in fact, he was only here for a visit.  He told me awhile back he was coming to visit...grandpa had been in the hospital for weeks, and it sounded grave, and he missed home (though he'd only been gone five weeks), so he was coming to visit.  Hurray!  I love love love love love any time my kids come to visit!

And I'd just said goodbye to him five weeks ago, to brave the world on his own (he's going to start college in another state but has to wait for residency to use his college program we got him years ago when we lived in that state).

But it was different this time.  Five weeks ago, I flew with him to Florida.  This time, it was super early in the morning, and I had to get back home (quite a drive) to get a little one to school.  So I dropped him off at the departures door at the airport (he's 19 and has flown often, so I knew he'd be fine).  But I waited in the car.  And I saw him in the line, and I just lost it.  There goes my baby, through an airport security line, and into another world.

I know he's ready.  I know it's time to let go.  But I just lost it.  I cried until I couldn't see him anymore (fighting the urge to run in and hug him one last time).  And I cried the whole hour drive home.  Then I suffered with the resulting headache the next few hours, and still kept tearing up intermittently.

I know what happens when kids move to another state.  I left home early, and never went back (I went to Florida from the north).  I saw my family on vacations and at Christmas.  It wasn't enough.  They never got to form that wonderful bond with my children that I had formed with my family when I was a kid (from simply being around them regularly).  I was happy in Florida.  Very happy.  But the older I got, the more I missed my family.

And now my kids are growing up and moving away.  And as I watched my son go through that airport security line, back to his new life, I was consumed with thoughts like,  "I'll miss his life," "I'll miss every important thing," "How can I be there when he needs me?"  "I'm going to miss him so so much!" "What about when he gets married and I won't be there for my grandchildren?"  I so want to be the same wonderful type of grandmother to my grandchildren that my gram was for me, and my oldest's wife  is expecting soon (hurray!), but he's in another state (military) & I won't get to be the gram I so want to be, and now another son is gone.  It was quite the pity party going on in my mind and I was starting to feel desperate.  Like I've said, that just isn't my character, so I was blown away, but unable to stop!

And then, when I was doing dishes yesterday, with all of those thoughts still running through my head and making me cry, and I saw a picture my Kindergartener made that is hanging on our refrigerator:


Oh yeah, duh!  How could I forget that so easily???  And just like that I was snapped out of my funk and back to my normal self.  I forgot the biggest thing, God.  God won't forget my needs, my children's needs, or my future grandchildren's needs either for that matter.  I have nothing to worry about, and no reason to fear because just like his picture says, "No matter what happens...trust God." And I do.  How wonderful to have my faith (thank you, Jesus).






16 comments:

  1. What an absolutely beautiful post - could cry myself just reading it! And like you I was NEVER a cryer - kept those tears inside like a warrior - how ridiculous is that though, really?
    Have a beautiful day Rosey!
    Hugs,
    Suzan

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  2. Awww - I get it. I really do. My oldest is a bit younger, but I swear that I cry over him all the time. He's growing up SO fast and every time he says or does something "grown-up" I think to myself that it's only a matter of time before he doesn't need me anymore and I cry. Although it's an amazing process and it's wonderful to see them grow and change - letting go has got to be one of the hardest things as a mom.

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  3. Saying goodbye is never easy. It will make a crier out of the toughest of us. Technology is a little more advanced then when we left the home, so thankfully, you will be able to turn on the computer and visit with your son at a moments notice. Skype is a beautiful thing lol. Texting, email, im's, while not as wonderful as having them with you in person, do help making the distance that separates a little easier :)

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  4. That had me crying just reading it. I am sure you will stay connected throughout anything. You have nothing to fear, as you have done such a good job raising them!!!

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  5. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes reading your story ( I am a crier) I cried and cried on my way home after dropping my youngest daughter off at her first day of school earlier this year. There was just that 'empty' feeling... I'd be a wreck when she leaves home..
    But seeing them happy and excited about life makes it feel better :-) And faith is a wonderful thing..
    Thanks for sharing your story Rosey, wishing you a beautiful day!

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  6. God is awesome, in everything you do Trust God! Wonderful post! I am a cry baby I can admit that! Thanks so much for sharing this!

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  7. Honestly, I cried while reading your post. It moved me... Oh, I cry all the time. I can't imagine how I would've handled that situation if I were in your shoes. One day of crying probably would not be enough.

    And then... sunshine... yes, God will take care of everything. We just have to trust Him. What else is there to do, right?

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  9. I got choked up reading this... I have one son. He's TWO and I got a glimpse into the future by reading your words. He will grow up and away. I'm holding on to him a little longer while I can... Hugs.

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  10. He missed being home with you and the family- that's a wonderful testament. I'm sorry this is a rough patch right now, your little one has reminded us all of an important point, thanks for that! If I was there I'd give you a cup of tea, a tissue, and a hug.
    Hang in ♥

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  11. I can relate to this post. I found myself getting more emotional as my children got older. They were my whole life for so many years. I miss them terribly.

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  12. This post was really touching. I am the youngest child and just moved away from family with my husband so he could go to graduate school in florida. So touching to read the view points from the mother.

    I just found your cute blog through the hop! I am your newest follower and I am excited to read more about you. Would love for you to stop by and follow along if you'd like :)

    sjdmiller.blogspot.com

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  13. oh yes!!! I can definitely relate to this post!!

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  14. I think I'll be like you. It is hard to let them go.
    I wish I had family close.

    I hope too that I will have that little nudge to remember to trust God.

    *HUGS*

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  15. Hello! I found your blog on the blog hop! I'm your newest follower and hoping you'll follow back :)
    lovinglifeinthefablane.blogspot.com

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  16. I think there's something about watching our kids from afar that makes it tougher in the moment. I believe all those thoughts you had on the ride home are the current stage of all the worries we have as parents from day 1 - the issues and concerns change, but the idea that we want to be the best for our children and for them to find the best never wanes.

    They look small when they're far away. We can reach out and hug them. We're letting them go each time, whether its for school or a trip or to move away. And it's just hard to have your heart far away from you.

    That picture seemed to give you peace, and that's the great part. Especially because it was from another of your children! I hope that those questions you asked yourself will find answers in this trust.

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